Inspired by Stephen Porges, explained simply for everyday life
We often assume that how we behave in challenging moments—speaking up, expressing ourselves, setting boundaries—comes down to confidence or mindset. But much of it actually depends on something more basic:
Our physiological state.
How safe or unsafe your body feels directly affects how you think, connect, and respond.
As a somatic practitioner, I see this constantly: tight shoulders, a held breath, a rigid neck. These are signs that your body is bracing, even when your mind isn’t aware of it yet.
And when the body braces, everything feels harder.
Awareness Comes First — Not “Fixing” Yourself
Porges makes a key point:
The important thing isn’t the reaction. It’s the moment you notice it.
You might freeze before speaking, tense your jaw, or shrink in a conversation. These aren’t mistakes — they’re protective.
Things begin to shift when you can say:
“My body reacted. And that’s okay. I’m just noticing.”
Curiosity softens the body.
Self-judgment tightens it.
Movement Helps the Body Feel Safe Again
One of Porges’ most powerful ideas:
movement helps us move out of threat.
If you sit all day in meetings or at your desk, the body has fewer ways to release tension. Even gentle movements make a difference:
- standing before a call
- shifting your posture
- walking before a meeting
- loosening your shoulders
- turning your head and letting your gaze widen
Movement breaks the freeze.
It tells your system:
“I’m not trapped. I can move. I’m safe enough.”
And from there, thinking and connecting becomes easier.
We Regulate Best With Someone Else — Not Alone
We’re often told to “calm ourselves down,” but Porges reminds us of something deeply human:
We regulate better when we regulate with someone.
This is why:
- certain people make you feel more at ease
- some conversations soften your body
- the right environment helps you breathe again
Many clients come to therapy not because they know what safety feels like, but because they want to. Even the idea of safety can be enough to begin the process.
Therapy works best when the room feels safe enough for your nervous system to loosen its grip.
Somatic Support: Reconnecting With Your Body
Somatic work (informed by the Alexander Technique approach) helps you return to your body when you’ve gotten used to bracing, shallow breathing, or disconnecting.
It’s not about posture rules.
It’s not about “doing something right.”
It’s about:
- noticing your body with kindness
- understanding your tension patterns
- allowing your system to soften
- coming out of numbness
- making space inside yourself again
When you’re more in touch with your body, you have more choices in the moments that matter.
When the Body Softens, the Mind Opens
Once your nervous system feels supported, cognitive work becomes much easier.
You can begin to ask:
- “Why does this situation unsettle me?”
- “What do I fear might happen?”
- “Why do I shrink around certain people?”
- “What expectations am I holding myself to?”
The body creates room.
The mind makes sense of it.
Together, they build new patterns that last.
The Role of Trust
Humans are wired to thrive with trust — not universal trust, but selective trust with safe people.
A safe environment doesn’t mean comfort all the time.
It means you can return, breathe, reset, and try again.
In somatic practice, part of the work is gently moving in and out of different states with someone who helps you stay grounded. That is what makes growth possible.
When Someone Pulls Away Suddenly
If you’ve ever had a client, colleague, or even friend pull away unexpectedly — it might not be personal. It could be that something in the interaction activated their threat system.
This isn’t a cognitive issue.
It’s a survival one.
When somatic practitioners notice signs of overwhelm — tension, withdrawal, loss of eye contact — we slow down. We offer pace, softness, and space, so the body can stay present rather than protect.
This Work Helps You Show Up More Fully
Reconnect with your body → your system feels safer
Your system feels safer → your mind is clearer
Your mind is clearer → you show up more fully
This is the heart of the somatic journey.