Assertiveness and Self-Confidence: The Way I See It
Young professionals I work with often describe the same pattern: they know what they want to say, but in the moment their shoulders lift, their breath tightens, and confidence slips away. This is a common response to stress — not a personal failing — and it’s something somatic and cognitive work can help with.
Feeling assertive and confident is rarely about simply “trying harder.” It’s usually about understanding what happens inside you—both mentally and physically—when pressure shows up. And for most of us, that pressure shows up fast.
Over the years, through my own experience and my work with clients, I’ve learned that confidence and assertiveness don’t grow from one single approach. They come from understanding the connection between your mind and your body, and from learning how to support both.
Why We Sometimes Hesitate (Even When We Know What We Want to Do)
We often judge ourselves for hesitating, staying quiet, or saying something we don’t mean.
But these moments aren’t failures—they’re reactions.
When a situation feels demanding, uncertain, or emotionally charged, the body often responds before the mind can catch up. You may tighten, hold your breath, or brace yourself without realising it. And when the body is in that state, thinking clearly becomes much harder.
This is why insight alone doesn’t always lead to change.
You can understand the problem perfectly… and still feel stuck.
Why Somatic Support Work Helps First
Somatic support work gives your nervous system a chance to settle so your mind can come back online.
It’s gentle, grounding, and incredibly practical.
When clients begin noticing what happens in their bodies during challenging moments, they often realise they’ve been preparing for pressure long before anything actually happens. The shoulders lift, the jaw tightens, the breath shortens. It’s the body’s way of saying, “Be ready.”
But this preparation often creates the very thing we’re trying to avoid:
less clarity, less confidence, and less space to think.
Somatic work helps you slow down the impulse to “brace.”
Instead of tightening, you learn to soften.
Instead of rushing, you allow a moment of space.
Instead of reacting, you feel the ground beneath you.
This small shift opens up room—room to breathe, room to think, room to be yourself.
When the Body Settles, the Mind Opens
Once the body feels steadier, cognitive and behavioural work becomes far more effective.
You can finally start exploring questions like:
What do I fear will happen if I speak up?
Why do I feel small in certain rooms?
What am I demanding of myself in those moments?
Whose approval am I waiting for—and why?
With more internal space, these questions stop feeling overwhelming.
They become clearer, and so do your answers.
You’re no longer trying to have a difficult conversation while your whole system is in survival mode. You’re working with a calmer mind and a more grounded body.
Mind and Body Need Each Other
If we only focus on the physical reactions, we miss the deeper meaning.
If we only focus on thoughts, we miss the patterns your body repeats.
Real change happens when the two meet.
Imagine noticing that your breath gets stuck when you’re speaking to someone senior at work. Physically, the breath holds. Mentally, there might be a belief that you need their approval or that a single mistake will reflect poorly on you.
When you link these two—your thoughts and your bodily reactions—you begin to understand the full picture. You can then practise speaking while breathing, staying open, and trusting yourself more.
That’s where confidence starts to grow—not from forcing, but from alignment.
Integrity and Self-Care: The Quiet Foundations of Confidence
Assertiveness and confidence don’t come from being loud or forceful.
They come from staying connected to yourself.
If you find yourself holding your breath, shrinking, or pushing yourself beyond your limits to be liked or accepted, your body is telling you something important: something in you doesn’t feel supported.
Confidence grows when you feel safe inside yourself.
Assertiveness grows when your actions match your values.
Both require self-care, not self-criticism.
A Final Thought
Confidence isn’t a personality trait you either have or don’t have.
It’s something you build, gently and consistently, by understanding how your mind and body respond to the world.
Somatic work helps you find steadiness.
Cognitive work helps you find clarity.
Together, they help you move through life in a more grounded, honest, and self-supportive way.
If any of this feels familiar and you’re curious about how somatic and cognitive support might help you feel more steady in yourself, you’re welcome to explore this work at your own pace. You don’t need to have everything figured out. Sometimes the first step is simply giving yourself a space to breathe, reflect, and feel supported.
If you’d like to start that process, you can book a session or reach out with any questions. I’m here to help you find the clarity and ease you’ve been looking for.